FHM
Magazine Cover
Anna Nicole Smith |
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If youre one of the millions of people who kicked her when she was tipping the scales, Americas hottest heiress has a message for you.
Shit happens .and then you live, Anna Nicole Smith once said. And shed know. Curled up on a purple leopard-print couch in her San Fernando Valley home, Anna Nicole is, well, a little shaky today. Admittedly, so is FHMAnna Nicoles house, the place she says she almost never leaves, feels hermetically sealed. The home is a Marilyn Monroe shrine with photographs and paintings of the 50s icon everywhere. Even though Anna Nicoles TV-immortalized poodle, Sugar Pie has taken a bite out of FHMs calf upon our arrival, were still happy to be here: This interview had already been canceled four times, with Anna Nicoles attorney/gofer Howard K. Stern offering excuses ranging from Annas just getting over walking pneumonia to One of Annas dogs had to go to the pet hospital. The 36-year-old seems to have made an impressive near recovery. She looks absolutely stunning without a lick of makeup.
Ive got so much on my plateacting, modeling, movie scripts, Anna Nicole says, that Im probably gonna die at 37 like Marilyn.
Should she prove prophetic, the former Vicky Lynn Hogan will have packed a full lifetimes worth of drama into those 37 years. More or less abandoned by her parents and raised by an aunt in dot-on-the-map Mexia, TX, the bombshell dropped out of school in the ninth grade, married a fry cook at 17, was a single mother by 19 and received implanted double-D cups at 21the better to dance topless at Ricks Gentlemens Club in Houston. There she met 89-year-old oil billionaire J. Howard Marshall, whom she finally agreed to marry in 1994. Nearly 14 months later, Marshall died and the 26-year-old Anna Nicole was vilified as the worlds most shameless gold digger, despite already having become a phenomenon as the face of Guess Jeans. After two soap-opera-ready trials, she was awarded $89 million, and nine (so far) grueling years of court costs while battling the appeals of Marshalls son. Just give it to me, she says of the money. Im waitin.
In the interim, her weight ballooned, her Guess gig disappeared, and her films1995s To the Limit and 1997s Skyscraperbombed. Since Anna Nicole had yet to receive a penny of inheritance, she needed a gig. Enter E!s The Anna Nicole Show. Never mind that critics were horrified at the sight of a slurring Anna barking orders at Stern, her best friend, while stuffing her red-lipsticked mouth; the jaw-dropping circus of a show was a massive hit. Two and a half years later, its still rolling. And while the star is again a knockout, Anna Nicoles fascinating life-as-a-train-wreck continues.
On her show, Sharon Osbourne had an Anna Nicole big, fat person have my husbands ashes all spilt out and me grabbin them up and makin fun of me and my dead husband, she says, eyes welling up. How dare someone. I loved my husband so much. But now I think he wants me to go on with my life and Im ready to have fun. She then flashes a blinding smile and elaborates: Kinky, fun sex!
WHATS
THE KINKIEST SEX YOUVE HAD?
YOURE
SURE THAT WASNT A DREAM?
THE
DIRTY BASTARDS. BUT, HEY, YOU MUST NEED THEM BECAUSE YOUR SHOW PAINTS
YOU AS A, WELL
AS A WOMAN IN HEAT.
YOU
ALSO USED TO BUM YOUR MOTHERS VIBRATOR, DIDNT YOU?
DID
SHE EVER FIND OUT?
DO
YOU EVER LIKE JUST PLAIN VANILLA SEX?
HOW
MUCH SEX IS ENOUGH SEX?
IS
THAT HOW YOU GOT THAT HICKEY?
JOIN
THE CLUB. SO YOUR SHOW WAS ONE OF THE FIRST REALITY TV MEGAHITS AND
ARE
YOU REFERRING TO PARIS HILTON AND JESSICA SIMPSON AND THEIR REALITY SHOWS,
BY ANY CHANCE?
SO
YOU THINK THEY THINK, ILL DO SOME DUMB BLONDE THING
LIKE ANNA NICOLE?
NO,
WE, UH, WERE JUST REFERRING TO THAT AGE-OLD TERM THATS BEEN
AROUND SINCE, WELL, MARILYN MONROE.
UH
WOW.
YOURE TELLING US SOME AMAZING STUFF TODAY.
OH,
HONEY
.DO YOU UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE ARE SO FASCINATED BY YOU?
IF
YOU WERENT YOU, WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED?
IS
BEING RICH AND FAMOUS AS GREAT AS YOU THOUGHT IT WOULD BE?
IS
THAT HOW YOU WANT TO BE REMEMBERED? |
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Brantley
D. Bardin |
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